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i am tired (of men)

i am tired i am dog-tired to my bones tired of men who skip and jump and dive toward me with explosive hearts wielding faux courage false presence a foundation of lies “i have never felt a connection like this”

i am tired of men awe struck by the idea of wild and expressive and free but startled in seconds by anger and sadness and vulnerability i am tired of men who dance from soulmate to soulmate leaping from eleven month live ins leather sofas shared cats into promising me the world and i am tired of believing the sugar that drips from their lips “life is too short to waste: this is too special to throw away” 

i am tired of men that howl i love you at two weeks and two days but run for the hills and their mothers  after two months when i am burnt out and real and raw and human i am tired of men pretending there is no-one else hiding behind time and distance and let’s take it slow too cowardly to admit that they’ve had their hit of intensity “i need space this is too much for me”

i am tired of men throwing their scattered love at me from insatiable obsession to gaslights and so needy at break-neck sound of light speed and the excuses i build just as quickly i am tired of men who masquerade as lovers with the strength to hold the weight of my heart and my wounds and my scars and my depth and my dirt when all they wanted was to feel my sunshine and hold my body “what happened to the light? this is way too heavy”

i am tired i am dog-tired to my bones tired of being tired of men so i will rest and i will wait for a slow love a strong love a sure love a love with integrity and one day i know that i will find a love that won’t tire with me

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